FALL

I was contemplating today why I love Fall. The last few weeks as I've driven the kids to school I have found myself singing the Primary song "It's Autumn time... It's Autumn time... The leaves are falling down. It's Autumn time. It's Autumn time. Pretty colors can be found."

Pretty colors are one thing I love about Fall. But I don't just love Fall. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE Fall.

I feel completely in my element during the Fall. Like it could stay like this forever and I would be happy. I wouldn't miss the days at the lake in the summer and I wouldn't miss the snowman building in the winter and I wouldn't even miss the pretty tulips of Spring (they're my favorite).

I was trying to figure out what it was about Fall that made me feel so comfortable and I think I've figured it out...

It's not only that my husband and I fell in love in the Fall and we were married the next Fall.

It's not only that it's Back to School time and Halloween time. I loooooooooooove Halloween.

It's not just the tremendous amount of good, warm, comfort food that starts flowing and the anticipation for the upcoming Holiday Season.

It's not even the fact that every Fall I am blessed to hear and be taught by our loving Prophets and Apostles....

It's all these and more.

I think of Fall almost as if it's a person. Because it feels like a best friend to me. Really. And this year it's reminding me, like best friends do, that we have a lot in common.

FALL IS FULL OF HOPE AND FAITH.

Fall reminds me that what I am doing is right. That I am preparing for hard times. So that when all of the sudden life goes from the easiness of a lazy summer day to a cold and bitter winter I am ready.

It also reminds me that while things are dying and changing and cold and they feel like they will never be the same again I can find BEAUTY in that.

Change is hard. But sometimes it can be AMAZING to watch. If we are righteously preparing for hard winters and trials it usually brings out the best in us... it is also amazing to notice this in other people.

Think of every person you know as a tree....

When we see somebody who has just been given a new trial in their life we are lucky enough to see them go from their shiny happy green and carefree leaves (lives) to a magnificent shade of reds, oranges, yellows, and golds.

I see this beautiful stage as the prep stage at the beginning of their trial. If that person or tree wants to survive they know they have to focus all their energy on keeping their core healthy. The beautiful colors we find in people come out when they are immersing themselves in the gospel. When they are studying and listening to the Spirit and trying to figure out what to do and how they will survive the winter.

They are proving to all of us that they have FAITH that they can come through the cold hard winters of that trial and eventually be back to a full and healthy green.

This is what Fall is to me. It reminds me that there is hope. And that with Faith we can make it through anything. Even the things that feel like they might kill us.

Of course....My best friend, Fall, usually goes through her winter trials just fine and eventually comes back to life through the warming of the Sun.

For me..... it's just a different Son. But He warms me all the same.

Sundays with Tizzy- The Inbetween Moments

Tizzy Tizzy Tizzy Tizzy Tizzy-

I love you. I love church. I love Sacrament meeting. I especially love Fast & Testimony meeting. I am proud of you for making it until the last 10 minutes today.

I should probably start keeping track of the comments I get about you every Sunday. Usually from our dear friends sitting behind us who say things like......

"She's just a busy one, isn't she?"
and
"I love how she folds her little arms for the prayer. So cute."
and
"We really don't mind Tessa at all. She's quite entertaining."
and
"She did good today. Almost made it through the whole thing."
and , my personal favorite...
"Your little girl really gives you a run for your money every week doesn't she?"

hahahahahahaha!
I LOVE YOU TIZZY!

Let me share a little more with you about our Sunday routine.
You get up about 6:30AM with Kamron and Bethany. Daddy & I are up wayyyyy earlier. You immediately demand that you watch a movie. Usually on Sundays we don't allow anything before church except for 'church' movies. Today you won. We watched Clifford.

Next we get everyone ready and Kamron and Bethany take turns getting your diaper bag packed (we really need to start doing this Saturday night).... I finally made them a list this morning and taped it inside the cupboard because they kept forgetting things. What's a diaper bag without diapers? Silly kids.

We drive to church and you 'help' me set up the Primary room. This usually means I have a little bit of cleaning up before I go to Sacrament meeting. But it is cute to see you push the big chairs around thinking you're helping.

About 15 minutes before church starts Daddy comes to find us (he's been in meetings since 7:30) and when you see him you run to him and jump in his arms happily yelling "Daddy! Daddy!" I couldn't choreograph this any better. Of course, there are always other people in the church who see this and it just makes your daddy beam with pride and joy.

Then we head to Sacrament meeting. We cannot seem to get on the same page here. I want to listen.....You want to.....

Trace your hand and my hand.

You want to play with the hymnbooks and your board books and kick the pew in front of us and 'sing' when the song is over.
And you haven't quite figured out how to whisper yet.
You also like to climb all over inbetween all of us and sometimes even underneath the bench.

This is exasperating.... and you wear out and I wear out and when you finally get tired enough you get your blanky and binky and monkey and climb on daddy's lap and 'fake cry' until he takes you out. It usually takes about 10 seconds.... and all the while the people around us are silently giggling because they know that cry is fake (it doesn't even SOUND real) and there's nothing we can do about it.... *Sigh*

But that's not ALL that happens in Sacrament meeting. There are the inbetween things that I want to remember too........

Like when you fold your arms very seriously to pray during every prayer.
And when you read your 'Jesus' books and point out the missionaries, and Heavenly Father & Jesus, and the temple and the scriptures.
And when you try to 'share' the hymnbook with me because you are definitely not going to be outsung.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

But then there's my favorite... my absolute FAVORITE.

The thing that reminds me every week that you're not just a human baby learning neat things like what missionaries look like and that we should read our scriptures... but that

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.

My favorite part of the entire meeting every week is when you listen quietly and intently to me while I explain to you about the priesthood and the "boys" and what is happening during the sacrament. It amazes me that you never get tired of me explaining what's going on.

It begins the moment after they bless the bread to the moment that they sit back down with their families. I whisper what's going on to you step by step while you watch and listen.....

"Oh look. Now the big boys are giving the little boys the trays with the bread."
"Oh look at that. He's giving the bread to the bishop."
"See that. They are covering up the bread & Yep.... there's the water! Now let's get ready for the water prayer."

and so on and so forth until I say...
"Now the boys are done and they get to sit down with their mommies."

I LOVE THIS TIME! I love that you are so aware and happy during such an important event. I love how proud of yourself you are when you finish the bottom of my water cup and you put the cup back in the tray just like the 'big kids'.

It almost makes me feel that you were trained in Heaven. That our big brother, Jesus Christ, sat you down before you came to earth and said 'I know, Tessa. I'll miss you too. But you get to go down to a family who is living the gospel. And that means that every Sunday when you take the sacrament you can remember me! And I'll be thinking about you then too!'

Maybe... just maybe that happened. Wouldn't that be awesome! I bet it did! I have no other explanation for why you sit so reverently during the sacrament and not so much during the rest of the meeting...

Because those boys do sit down. And you do lose interest quite quickly after that.... and Daddy usually takes you out during the last 20 minutes or so. *sigh* I love him for that.

Then I meet you in the foyer and say "Bye bye! Have fun in nursery! mmmmwuh!" And you're excitedly off to nursery where you love your wonderful teachers and friends and never have a problem and I don't have to worry about you for even 1 half of a second during the 2 hours I am running non-stop in Primary with the 'big kids'. For this I am thankful.

After nursery your brother or sister pick you up and bring you to the Primary room where I have accidentally instituted a 'if you're good you'll get a marshmallow' tradition. I keep the extra marshmallows in the Primary closet and we all clean up while you are busy with your "mallow".

By this time you are exhausted and we have a PB&J sandwich waiting in the car because we know that as soon as you eat it you'll fall asleep in the car on the 15 minute drive home and we'll be able to put you straight into bed.

Which we do... and the rest of the day runs like normal - or as normal as life gets with a 2 year old.

I just wanted to let you know that I am grateful for those small, quiet, inbetween moments you give me during what could possibly be the most tiring 3 hours of my week. I love you for that. Someday I hope you have a 2 year old Tizzy just like you.
Love, Mommy

KC

K.C. - I just realized I hardly ever put the periods after your initials. Weird...

Anyway- right now you are at the Stake Priesthood broadcast and I am missing you. I do that a lot. Which makes me happy. I LOVE missing you.

I especially want to tell you how grateful I am that you took me out last night. I know that the car has been broken down for 1.5 wks. and the parts finally got here and you were planning on fixing it last night and that way we could have both gone to Ward Council and you wouldn't have to work on it on your day off tomorrow and, and, and... there are another million reasons we should not have gone out last night. But I am grateful from the depths of my soul that you recognized the desperation in my eyes when I asked you to go out with me. I needed a friend.

I am grateful that you are my best friend. That even when G.N.O. cannot cure a week of heartache and exhaustion that I can turn to you and know that you will listen until I'm done talking and we don't have to hurry home.

Just recently we were watching some silly show and the couple on it said they didn't feel like they were friends anymore. That they were just 2 married people living together. So sad. As you and I talked about that we realized that we have the opposite situation. We are MORE friends than anything else. We tend to waste time together (we need to work on this- but I'm really not complaining) and sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are really grown-up people and should probably continue planning for our future. But we also agreed that we'd much rather have it this way than the other.

Because, dear KC, (see- I didn't insert periods there. Weird) while I know I am blessed to have you as a wonderful husband I feel doubly blessed that you are my friend. I feel blessed that we were brought together that way. That we knew each other when we were 10 and managed to not let that goofy time of life get in the way when things became romantic 10 years later.

I hope we will always waste time together. I hope we will always continue to make each other laugh. I hope that our kids will grow up one day and understand that as they look for a husband or wife that they will spend eternity with that they will finally know what we mean when we say "You need to find someone you will never get tired of talking with".

I love you, KC. And I will always 'miss you'. Promise Promise.

Love,
Crystal

THE MAN IN THE GLASS...

In the past, recently and not so recently, by completely different people I have been told I am
'too happy'
'not compassionate enough'
'looking through life with rose colored glasses'
'too blunt'
and, most recently, have been accused of 'not making enough of an effort' to let somebody know I care about them.

My heart is hurting and I am confused. I am struggling right now and need an outlet to clear my head. So here I am.

As I typed those words those people spoke to me... I realized that those statements about me were from people who don't really know me. Not close friends. Not family. Not people I have spent significant amounts of time with. So maybe those words shouldn't bother me. But they did.

I love words. Even when they hurt me. I evaluate them and try to understand what they mean. Dictionary's have the appropriate approved definitions attached to words, but I have learned that some words IE: compassion, blunt-ness, and happiness, whilst clearly defined in the dictionary, can mean one thing to one person and a completely different thing to another person. Obviously, the definitions of those words for those people are different than mine.

I have never been a person who worries about impressions. I am who I am and have been fortunate that most people I encounter are okay with this too.... as a matter of fact, most people I encounter appreciate my honesty about myself and my opinions. Which is why it throws me off when people don't believe me or don't understand my positive attitude or think I am 'faking' it when I am happy....

OKAY - I have taken a break and I am back. I spent some time with my precious baby girl and she made me feel better. We were going through our naptime routine. I helped her gather her binky and her blanky and her monkey (her 3 keys) and got her a sippy cup and we settled into the chair to read her favorite new story book (about Biscuit the Puppy) from her Uncle Kyle.
And when I laid her down in her bed and she said "night night" and "lubyou momma" I thought:

She doesn't think I am 'too happy'.
She thinks I am compassionate enough.
She likes me to wear my 'rose colored glasses' and see life in the happiest way possible.
She understands my blunt-ness when I am using it to teach her something or get my point across.
AND - she knows that I TRY. I try hard to make the effort to let her know I love her.

I am not perfect. I cannot do everything. I cannot make peoples problems go away. I can only try to help. And try happily. When my trying isn't good enough for the person on the other end or even when they don't believe that I have tried at all, I still have to be happy with my efforts and trust that the Lord will help in the areas I am lacking. And HE does. And for that I am grateful.

I'm sorry about the rambling. Those close to me know this has affected me greatly just recently. Even to the point that I began to judge others. When someone points out your faults some people tend to want to defend themselves by thinking 'they have no idea what I do or what I'm about. I do sooooo much more than this person or that person.' I fell into this trap this time over the last few weeks and of that I am ashamed and repentant. It is not like me to be unhappy and judgmental. I AM happy with the woman in the glass in my life. I am happy with my efforts. I know that I'm trying.

And - I am grateful for my precious 2 year old today who reminded me of this.

Because I love words I'm going to share with you one of my favorite poems given to me by a Young Women Leader (Linda Minor) when I was 16 or so. It is something I have looked at over the years when those self doubts have crept into my mind and I worry about what other people think. I hope you all are happy with the person in the glass.

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for gain,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it is not your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts MOST in your life
Is the one staring back in the glass.

Some people might think you're a straight shootin' chum
and call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you right up to the end.
And you have passed your most valuable test
If the man in the glass is your friend

You may fool the world down the pathway of years,
and get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.