KC

K.C. - I just realized I hardly ever put the periods after your initials. Weird...

Anyway- right now you are at the Stake Priesthood broadcast and I am missing you. I do that a lot. Which makes me happy. I LOVE missing you.

I especially want to tell you how grateful I am that you took me out last night. I know that the car has been broken down for 1.5 wks. and the parts finally got here and you were planning on fixing it last night and that way we could have both gone to Ward Council and you wouldn't have to work on it on your day off tomorrow and, and, and... there are another million reasons we should not have gone out last night. But I am grateful from the depths of my soul that you recognized the desperation in my eyes when I asked you to go out with me. I needed a friend.

I am grateful that you are my best friend. That even when G.N.O. cannot cure a week of heartache and exhaustion that I can turn to you and know that you will listen until I'm done talking and we don't have to hurry home.

Just recently we were watching some silly show and the couple on it said they didn't feel like they were friends anymore. That they were just 2 married people living together. So sad. As you and I talked about that we realized that we have the opposite situation. We are MORE friends than anything else. We tend to waste time together (we need to work on this- but I'm really not complaining) and sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are really grown-up people and should probably continue planning for our future. But we also agreed that we'd much rather have it this way than the other.

Because, dear KC, (see- I didn't insert periods there. Weird) while I know I am blessed to have you as a wonderful husband I feel doubly blessed that you are my friend. I feel blessed that we were brought together that way. That we knew each other when we were 10 and managed to not let that goofy time of life get in the way when things became romantic 10 years later.

I hope we will always waste time together. I hope we will always continue to make each other laugh. I hope that our kids will grow up one day and understand that as they look for a husband or wife that they will spend eternity with that they will finally know what we mean when we say "You need to find someone you will never get tired of talking with".

I love you, KC. And I will always 'miss you'. Promise Promise.

Love,
Crystal

THE MAN IN THE GLASS...

In the past, recently and not so recently, by completely different people I have been told I am
'too happy'
'not compassionate enough'
'looking through life with rose colored glasses'
'too blunt'
and, most recently, have been accused of 'not making enough of an effort' to let somebody know I care about them.

My heart is hurting and I am confused. I am struggling right now and need an outlet to clear my head. So here I am.

As I typed those words those people spoke to me... I realized that those statements about me were from people who don't really know me. Not close friends. Not family. Not people I have spent significant amounts of time with. So maybe those words shouldn't bother me. But they did.

I love words. Even when they hurt me. I evaluate them and try to understand what they mean. Dictionary's have the appropriate approved definitions attached to words, but I have learned that some words IE: compassion, blunt-ness, and happiness, whilst clearly defined in the dictionary, can mean one thing to one person and a completely different thing to another person. Obviously, the definitions of those words for those people are different than mine.

I have never been a person who worries about impressions. I am who I am and have been fortunate that most people I encounter are okay with this too.... as a matter of fact, most people I encounter appreciate my honesty about myself and my opinions. Which is why it throws me off when people don't believe me or don't understand my positive attitude or think I am 'faking' it when I am happy....

OKAY - I have taken a break and I am back. I spent some time with my precious baby girl and she made me feel better. We were going through our naptime routine. I helped her gather her binky and her blanky and her monkey (her 3 keys) and got her a sippy cup and we settled into the chair to read her favorite new story book (about Biscuit the Puppy) from her Uncle Kyle.
And when I laid her down in her bed and she said "night night" and "lubyou momma" I thought:

She doesn't think I am 'too happy'.
She thinks I am compassionate enough.
She likes me to wear my 'rose colored glasses' and see life in the happiest way possible.
She understands my blunt-ness when I am using it to teach her something or get my point across.
AND - she knows that I TRY. I try hard to make the effort to let her know I love her.

I am not perfect. I cannot do everything. I cannot make peoples problems go away. I can only try to help. And try happily. When my trying isn't good enough for the person on the other end or even when they don't believe that I have tried at all, I still have to be happy with my efforts and trust that the Lord will help in the areas I am lacking. And HE does. And for that I am grateful.

I'm sorry about the rambling. Those close to me know this has affected me greatly just recently. Even to the point that I began to judge others. When someone points out your faults some people tend to want to defend themselves by thinking 'they have no idea what I do or what I'm about. I do sooooo much more than this person or that person.' I fell into this trap this time over the last few weeks and of that I am ashamed and repentant. It is not like me to be unhappy and judgmental. I AM happy with the woman in the glass in my life. I am happy with my efforts. I know that I'm trying.

And - I am grateful for my precious 2 year old today who reminded me of this.

Because I love words I'm going to share with you one of my favorite poems given to me by a Young Women Leader (Linda Minor) when I was 16 or so. It is something I have looked at over the years when those self doubts have crept into my mind and I worry about what other people think. I hope you all are happy with the person in the glass.

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for gain,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it is not your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts MOST in your life
Is the one staring back in the glass.

Some people might think you're a straight shootin' chum
and call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you right up to the end.
And you have passed your most valuable test
If the man in the glass is your friend

You may fool the world down the pathway of years,
and get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Righteous Desires: Singing Trees & Sister Dalton

I cannot begin to tell you what is in my heart this morning. I feel strongly that I need to write this down for my close friends and family to read.

As some of you know, I was recently called into the great Primary organization to serve as the President in our ward. I am so excited to teach and I love the little children of McCall 2nd ward. I have been in that job for approx. 3 weeks. Everything about it has been an amazing spiritual experience for me. I have faith in the fact that The Lord qualifies those whom He calls, for, were it not for Him leading and guiding me through the Spirit EVERY DAY, I would have had a complete breakdown by now. I'm not kidding.

Now- that being said - in order to serve in Primary I had to leave my old calling. This has not been easy for me. I’ve served as the 1st counselor in the Young Women's Presidency for the last 3 years. I know this does not seem like a long time to some but in the life of a teenager 3 years is a looooong time. Heavenly Father knew it would be a hard thing for me to leave these Young Women that I have grown to love and (in some cases) prayed to love (with those prayers being answered above and beyond that which I asked). :o) AND- to top it all off... this was all happening 3 wks. before girls camp!!! Are you kidding me?

But, through the experiences of last night, I have been reminded that Our Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us and the desires of our hearts. And if those desires are righteous and in timing with HIS plan He will do all He can to help those desires become reality.

So - just when I thought my heart would break into 10 million pieces thinking that I would not be able to share in this last amazing spiritual experience with my girls He blessed me with an answer to my prayers. A sweet phone call from the Stake Camp Director (who also happens to be my next door neighbor and a dear, dear friend) assured me that I would still be able to come to girls camp for Wednesday night. Now some of you might wonder what the big deal is. Girls camp is amazing EVERY year. And I know this. I've been to many girls camps over the years. But this one was different. This was an EXTRA SPECIAL girls camp. And Wednesday night was an extra special night for the girls of the Weiser, Idaho Stake.

For, because of the prayers & righteous desires of our great Stake Young Women Leaders and Camp Director, we were blessed last night to sit at the feet of Sister Elaine Dalton, the General Young Women's President. Yes. That's what I said. GENERAL Young Women's President. And yes, at Stake Girls Camp. Not a Regional Conference or an auditorium filled with thousands of girls or even an EFY session. Just our quaint little Stake Girls camp nestled up in the hills of Idaho. Our leaders were inspired to ask her to come and, according to Sister Dalton, she felt impressed and excited to come, even though others around her thought she was crazy. Idaho? Stake Girls Camp? What? I will forever be grateful for those inspired leaders and for Sister Dalton listening and acting on those promptings and impressions that she should come.

We pulled into camp and saw that the girls were already assembled at the pavilion and she was speaking with them. We found out that they had been given the oppportunity to submit written questions to her and her husband was graciously choosing them for her to answer. Just knowing that the girls were being taught directly from her was an amazing feeling.

Later on we were blessed to have her speak to all of us. I was in tears before the meeting began. She spoke to us of her experiences as a teenager and a mother and a grandmother and a wife and a Young Women Leader and The Spirit spoke to us of her great faith in Christ and testified of her love for all of us and the gospel. Our Stake Camp Director, Dana Jones, testified of the value of Virtue in our lives and offered each Young Women a Gold 'Banner', made out of fabric, small enough to fit in a pocket but big enough to hang on a wall. Our Stake Young Women President, Margo Dening, shared her testimony at the request of Sister Dalton and I was moved by her soft and tender spirit and her love of the gospel and of serving with the Young Women. I could relate to all of these women and knew that the girls were feeling that too.

We ended the night with an activity called "Singing Trees". This is an activity that takes place in the dark. We were dismissed ward by ward to walk reverently to a pre-designated spot in the tree line using flashlights for guidance. Our ward was the 2nd of 10 wards in our Stake to be dismissed. We had the opportunity to watch the others wards as they helped their fellow sisters to find their places in the dark. When all the wards were in their separate spots all flashlights were turned off and the world around us fell silent (not an easy task for 100+ girls ages 12-18).

I was sitting there enjoying the silence and the feeling of friendship and love for the dear sisters I was sitting with and then a group of flashlights came on in the distance and sweet, soft voices filled the air. One ward started to sing as the rest of us sat in the soft and quiet dark and listened. They finished. Their lights went off and it fell silent again. It was our turn. Our lights shone and our voices filled the darkness while those around us sat in the trees in silence and darkness and listened, and most importantly, FELT. Felt the Spirit testifying that we were where we needed to be, doing what we needed to be doing, and that while we might feel alone at times in a world of darkness there ARE others out there. We might not be able to see them but they ARE there. The songs continued through all the different groups. I heard "Nearer, My God, to Thee" & "Where Love Is", & "Abide With Me, Tis Even tide", & "Our Savior's Love" & ohmygoodness... I can't name them all. Our Stake Leaders were the last small group and they sang "I Am a Child of God".

And then something amazing happened. ALL the flashlights came on, and ALL the voices, including Bro. & Sister Dalton, sang TOGETHER in the darkness. It was our camp song, written by our Stake Camp Director, entitled "In The Arms of His Love". Based partly on D&C 6:20 where it says "Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love".

We had been instructed that after the song finished we could walk reverently back to our ward campsites for the night. The Spirit was strong. And even with all the silliness of teenage girls stumbling in the dark the atmosphere was still one of reverence. Our ward’s singing spot was at the bottom of the tree line, in front of some of the other wards so we were some of the first ones to walk across the spacious field towards the ward camps. I turned around about halfway across the field and was touched again by the Spirit. I was watching tiny lights coming out of the woods. Each being held by a Virtuous Young Woman or their Leader. It reminded me of the scripture in Matthew 5:16 "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in Heaven." I turned to a few of the girls and leaders and said "you should turn around and look". They did. I hoped they felt what I felt. Watching the lights coming out of the darkness was as touching to me as listening to the praises being sung 5 minutes before. It reminded me of the Janice Kapp Perry song (from my days as a teenager) that says "Just one little light in the darkness shining through the night... can grow to a blaze of glory setting the world alight.”

We ended the night a few minutes later with a Ward Family Prayer around the campfire and I felt peace. A peace that I didn’t realize I was longing for. I had closure. I knew at that moment that “my” girls would all be okay. I silently handed them back to the Lord knowing that He would take care of them & that they were being watched over by angels on this earth and angels in Heaven. And when I finally got home at 2AM I thanked my Heavenly Father for many many things- for my testimony, and my love of the gospel and the Young Women & the Primary Children but most specifically, last night, for giving me one last spiritual experience with my girls by answering the righteous desires of my heart with Singing Trees & Sister Dalton.

Beth's First Softball Season - 2nd Place Champs!

I have just a second and wanted to post about how proud I am of my Bethany. She is terrified of sports. Not of the playing.... but of the yelling coaches. LOL! We go to Kamron's practices and games of every sport and all she see is adults yelling at children. LOL! She seriously hates it. I've tried to explain to her that the coaches have to yell while the kids are making noise and dribbling & running down the court or.... they have to yell because those darn football helmets get in the way... But regardless of the reasons... She does not like it.

We figured softball was a more mellow sport.... and it took some convincing to get her to play... we had to call her friends and make sure she would know somebody. And we had to tell her that she was not the only girl who was playing softball for the first time.... she finally agreed.

So we went down to City Hall and signed her up. When we got home from City Hall she sat down and wrote a story (my kids love to write. Bethany writes stories... Kamron writes poetry). The story was about a little girl who signed up for softball for the first time and ends up on a team with a horribly mean coach, Mr. Green Eyes. She still claims that it was totally fictional and she wasn't afraid to play softball. Hmmmmm.. We have since thrown away the story because she thought it was silly & didn't want to see it again.

Cute quote # 1. After the first practice she says to me, "Mom! Thank you sooooo much for making me play softball! It is soooo fun! I LOOOOOOVE it!"

Cute quote # 2. After the 2nd practice she looks at all of us like a teacher correcting her children... "You guys! Only the PITCHER has to throw the ball underhand in softball. Everbody else can throw it OVERHAND!" LOL! I was dying....

And to top it off... her first game, her first time at bat, and YAYYYYYY!!! She gets a hit!

I have never seen a girl smile that much! She went on to become one of the best batters on the team and her team, THE STARBURSTS, (in McCall the kids on the team get to pick the name) took 2ND PLACE!



I love my Brave Bethany!

Diaper Ditcher

Yesterday I let Tessa walk around in her diaper. She doesn't normally like that. She loves her clothes. She hates being cold. I'm thinking, though, that this might be the last time I do this. I came around the corner and found this.....

And guess what was around the next corner... THIS!

There is a plus side . She has already shown interest in going potty. She has sat on the potty 2 times already with no results but is not afraid either! Yay!

SUH-WHINE FLU...

Okay- for those of you who know me... you know that I am pretty easy-going with MOST things. But this swine flu thing has me all freaked out. I don't know why. Maybe because I have a baby again... Maybe because I've been thinking about pulling my children out of public school already and this is JUST ANOTHER reason. Or maybe my thyroid medication is all screwy and I'm just emotional. Who knows..... I can't help myself from checking the United States & International totals every day. (Here's the website.. http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/ ) I know it's totally treatable and they're in the process of developing a vaccine and because of the media and technology these days the likelihood of millions of us dying is rare, but STILL.... I just can't let it go. KC is sick of hearing about it... I even ordered facemasks on e-bay before the price went up. You never know....

KC's uncle, Paul, sent us this pic via e-mail & it pretty much sums up how I feel. I love all of you but seriously... if you get sick... you're on your own, man.

And..... yes..... we have a POST!

So I haven't posted since I got high-speed internet and thought I'd take a shot at it. I love writing, I've always loved writing, and I've made a goal of writing more. So for now, since I'm already behind today, I'm just going to post some pics but be prepared for more random ramblings from the Nay home. As I just typed "Nay home" it reminded me of my funny children whose claim to fame in the scriptures is that Ishmael (remember him? Lehi's sons went back to Jerusalem to get his daughters to marry them) anyway... when Ishmael died in the wilderness it was in a place called Nahom. There are multiple pronunciation interpretations but my children, obviously, prefer "Nayhome". LOL! Did I mention these would be random ramblings. LOVE IT!

So these next pics are of Tessa doing what she does best..... Sleeping. I am blessed to have children who LOVE to sleep!

Rocking Chair.....

Toybox....

On the floor with "Monkey".... we love that little Monkey, Nonnie. Despite his "pickable" nose.

With Uncle Kyle...

AND- OHMYGOODNESS.... Loving the high-speed internet for blog posting. You will definitely hear from me more often! Woohoo!